Fear paralyzes me and I let it. I can't decide whether this statement makes me angry with myself or disappointed in myself- or both. But I know it's true. I see all the things that people around me are doing and it excites me. My head fills with ideas of things that I can do for myself or I can do for others, but that's where it ends. All ideas. Nothing comes to fruition because I get scared. When I start thinking about what might actually be involved to get me where I need to be, I freak out. And it's easier to just stay where I am. I know I'm not happy where I am, but it's easier.
Why do I do this? Am I afraid that if I try something it won't work? Am I afraid that I'll get hurt? I think it's both of these things. I think I'm afraid of failure. I think I'm afraid of really putting myself out there. I'm afraid of change. I like to know my surroundings. While I'm intrigued by the idea of going out there and trying something new, it's so much easier and more comforting to stay with what I know.
I think about how many people are stuck like I am. And then I think about how many people have broken out and said, "screw this." They've stepped out of their shells, looked past the fear and taken life in their hands. I'm so anxious to get to that point. I don't know what's holding me back but I want to get to that place where I say "screw this" and I take my life into my own hands.
Ditto here Shannon. And I haven't gotten to the "screw this" point. However changing jobs a year ago (after TEN YEARS at Humanim) taught me that after you break out of your shell, you realize that the "new" thing is now comfortable and what you're used to. I assume taking life by the horns would be the same way. Once you get into that mind set, it becomes comfortable, and the norm. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteTake it from someone who reinvents herself every few years. After a few leaps of faith and some drops and some successes, I've found out that mostly it works out or leads me to something I wouldn't have found if I hadn't started to look. "Life's a banquet and most people are starving to death" or words to that effect. Auntie Mame
ReplyDeleteWhat on earth is that noise? OH. It's your shell cracking :) :) So very proud of ya for writing the blog and trying to challenge yourself. Remember it's our reactions to things that "happen" to us. Not what happens. If that makes sense. I don't think that's the actual quote. But you get where I'm going.
ReplyDeleteShannon,
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful blog? I can relate to your story about fear. I think I am overcoming mine day by day. I was unemployed for over a year and half till April 2010 and you have no idea how free I was during that period. Its like cooperate America put me on a revolving door of living everyday like a robot, with the same routine every single time. While I was unemployed I was able to spend amazing time with my kids, take care of my home, go to school and study what I love and do things my own way at my own time. Now that I finally got a job, which is actually not too bad, I'm just taking it easy now.
Anyhow girl, keep it up and I look forward to reading more.
Nurat
You all are so amazing and inspirational! I read what each of you wrote and it makes me feel much stronger. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted. Thank you SO much!
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