I fear the joys of Maryland winter weather have lost their thrill with me. I can't stand the bitter cold and the snow that piles up and needs to be scraped off the car. I don't like that the tip of my nose is always freezing as are my fingers and toes. I remember loving the winter - snow days with no school, getting bundled up to go outside and play in the snow, coming in to sit by the fire and drink hot chocolate with marshmallows - maybe I'd enjoy it more if I had kids of my own. Right now show me a beach, palm trees, green grass, and I'd love some open windows with fresh air coming in!
Lately I've been contemplating the need to change things in my life. I have this vague vision of myself in a different place (no idea where it is), with a different climate (I do know that it is warm), and a different look on my face (it's a happy look - but I know, I have weird visions). I feel like I've lost a piece of myself over the years and I need to find it again. The thought of changing things, even the smallest things, overwhelms me and scares me. It's easy for me to get stuck in the day-to-day routine of my life and any type of change invokes such anxiety that it's almost easier to keep things as they are. Unfortunately, keeping things the way they are hasn't been working - life doesn't change on its own.
When I was younger it was easier, there were life stages that were easily placed in front of you that forced you to make changes - graduate high school and go to college, graduate college and get a job, get a job and live on your own, live on your own and get married. Being an adult I'm finding that I can't put those goals in place for myself which I find ironic. Growing up I was so driven to succeed, to be the best, to get the best grades, to do the right things - and now I can't make these decisions for my own life.
I think this Spring it will be time for me to step out of my routine-box and try to explore what changes I can make in my life (even the smallest changes) to meet my goal of finding my self again and being happy.
I totally agree with your view on the winter. Every time I move I say it's the farthest north I'll ever live! TN the spring comes early but I certainly get why seniors move to Florida!
ReplyDeleteDon't be afraid of change. Your Aunt Barbara said to me once "what is the worse that can happen? you fall on your face and have to move in with me? your family will not let you starve".
Another source of inspiration was a Dr.Phil book I read. It said the world is set up with a bunch of expectations so things will run smoothly..go to school, get a job, have kids, etc etc. But they are not rules! I used to worry that I would be judged by others for not doing the "practical thing" but now realize we can do whatever we want and it makes the world a more interesting place!
I'm so proud of you and excited about the new things you are going to explore. Be fearless! What is the worse that can happen? :)
Love you!!
I think you really put into words eloquently what is at the root of your experience - it is very difficult for many to do that! So proud of you and like lisa said, i always look forward to your blog.
ReplyDelete"Being an adult I'm finding that I can't put those goals in place for myself which I find ironic."
Aunt Cathy, Lana...you are both awesome. Aunt Cathy, thank you so much for your feedback, it was very inspiring and it helps me to know that you're doing the things that you love so much!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid we all have to live by the saying, "the only thing constant is change." It's scary but times change and we must change with it, for no one wants to be left alone.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know a great blogger like you is just a stone's throw away.
My first time here but will never be the last..
Thank you so much tommeh!
ReplyDelete