Exercises for Life Journey

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently reading, "Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life." This book has had some great exercises that I've wanted to complete and sometimes I feel like the most thorough way I can do something is to post it for everyone to see. It makes me feel as though I'm committing to what I'm writing here, I'm committing to my thoughts.

Exercise # 1: Make a list of all the qualities you value in yourself (important to note, these are not my "roles") - 

• Kindness to others
• Patience
• Love of animals
• Love of family
• Love to read and learn
• Honesty
• My "drive"/motivation

Doing this exercise makes me realize how extremely hard it is to list these qualities. I feel like I look towards others to define them for me.


Exercise #2: Accept responsibility for your life (Stop making excuses and start making changes) - 

Up until now I don't think I've accepted responsibility for my life. Not in a real way at least. I find myself in certain jobs, certain situations and I let myself stay in them, no matter how they make me feel. I've recently come to the conclusion that I only have one life to live and if I want to be happy, I'm going to have to do the work. I can't wait for it to come to me. I can't wait for my lotto numbers to win (though I'm going to keep playing!), I can't wait for some job opportunity to just out-of-nowhere present itself to me. I can't wait to see friends/family I love when it's convenient or when they're coming to me. I need to make all of these things happen for myself. I've just recently started doing it and it feels GREAT! It feels great to know that I have wonderful things to look forward to that I have put in place for myself!

Exercise #3: Social Media Allowance - 

This will be hard. Social media puts pressure on all of us. It makes us feel that we don't measure up because we compare ourselves to everyone else. It also takes away from the quality of real communication. I love my Facebook, I even love myself some Twitter sometimes. Instagram, Goodreads, I love it all. This is going to be a new goal for myself, limit my social media time. I'll set a number of minutes per day that I'm permitted. I'm interested to see how this will change my interactions with others and how this will impact my day. Will I have more time to indulge in myself? Read? Take relaxing baths?

Exercise #4: Learn to be comfortable alone - 

I think this is something so many of us struggle with. We all feel better when we know we have someone there who loves us. But we have to love ourselves first. I need to learn that when I'm by myself, I can enjoy myself and make myself happy. I don't need someone else to do that for me. It's WONDERFUL to have someone who I can be happy with but I don't want to depend on them for my happiness.

Exercise #5: Write down names of 5 people who inspire me, identify one positive quality of each and antonym - 

• My mom - patience
• My dad - work ethic
• My sister - motivation
• Martin Luther King, Jr.  - commitment
• My aunt - compassion

From here I need to identify the opposite of each of these qualities and assume that I have them:

• Impatient
• Poor work ethic (don't care about work)
• Laziness
• Irresponsibility
• cold heartedness

It's hard for me to assume that I have these qualities but I know I do at times. I know I cam be impatient, I know I can be lazy, I know I can be cold-hearted. By identifying these opposites it's helped me realize some poor qualities I have and that I want to avoid or work towards removing from my life.

Exercise #6: See myself beyond my roles - 

I am not just a fiance, an account manager, a dog mother... I am so much more than all of these. Roles are different than qualities. I need to learn to see myself outside of the roles I take on throughout the day.

Exercise #7: Move beyond my masks -

I wear several masks. I wear one mask when I'm working, another when I'm with my dog, another when I'm with my fiance, another when I'm with my fiance's son, another when I'm with my family. Why do I wear all these different masks? I don't even realize I'm doing it. I need to slowly withdrawal these masks and find the "real" me that I can be without the need for masks.

Exercise #8: Challenge myself to be vulnerable -

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable. I do not have to be strong all the time, I am allowed to be weak, I am allowed to cry. From that vulnerability I will learn more about my true self and the things that are important to me.

Exercise #9: Shadow

We all have a shadow, it's the side of our self that watches us constantly. It observes everything about us. What is my shadow trying to tell me? Is it trying to tell me to not overload myself so much? To relax more? To enjoy life more? I need to pay attention to that silent shadow which really speaks so loudly.


These are all goals for me to strive for. I may not meet them all, but they're ideas, good ideas to help me in my life's journey. I hope they give you thought as well and help if you're struggling with any of the above things mentioned. I'm excited to move forward keeping all of these in mind.

A Very Important Poem

This is me, this is everyone.

I came across this poem in a book I was reading, "Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform your Inner Critic and Your Life." There was a blog written by Charlie Tranchemontagne that mentioned this poem and I looked it up for myself.

We all struggle to break away from the masks we are wearing but it is a struggle and it's a beautiful accomplishment when you succeed.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

               Don't be fooled by me.

               Don't be fooled by the face I wear

               for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

               masks that I'm afraid to take off,

               and none of them is me.

               Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

               but don't be fooled,

               for God's sake don't be fooled.

               I give you the impression that I'm secure,

               that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well

                    as without,

               that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

               that the water's calm and I'm in command

               and that I need no one,

               but don't believe me.

               My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,

               ever-varying and ever-concealing.

               Beneath lies no complacence.

               Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

               But I hide this.  I don't want anybody to know it.

               I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

               That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

               a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

               to help me pretend,

               to shield me from the glance that knows.

               But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,

               and I know it.

               That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

               if it's followed by love.

               It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

               from my own self-built prison walls,

               from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

               It's the only thing that will assure me

               of what I can't assure myself,

               that I'm really worth something.

               But I don't tell you this.  I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.

               I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,

               will not be followed by love.

               I'm afraid you'll think less of me,

               that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

               I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing

               and that you will see this and reject me.

               So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

               with a facade of assurance without

               and a trembling child within.

               So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,

               and my life becomes a front.

 I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.

               I tell you everything that's really nothing,

               and nothing of what's everything,

               of what's crying within me.

               So when I'm going through my routine

               do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

               Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

               what I'd like to be able to say,

               what for survival I need to say,

               but what I can't say.

               I don't like hiding.

               I don't like playing superficial phony games.

               I want to stop playing them.

               I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

               but you've got to help me.

               You've got to hold out your hand

               even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

               Only you can wipe away from my eyes

               the blank stare of the breathing dead.

               Only you can call me into aliveness.

               Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,

               each time you try to understand because you really care,

               my heart begins to grow wings--

               very small wings,

               very feeble wings,

               but wings!

               With your power to touch me into feeling

               you can breathe life into me.

               I want you to know that.

               I want you to know how important you are to me,

               how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--

               of the person that is me

               if you choose to.

               You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

               you alone can remove my mask,

               you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,

               from my lonely prison,

               if you choose to.

               Please choose to.

               Do not pass me by.

               It will not be easy for you.

               A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

               The nearer you approach to me

               the blinder I may strike back.

               It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man

               often I am irrational.

               I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

               But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

               and in this lies my hope.

               Please try to beat down those walls

               with firm hands but with gentle hands

               for a child is very sensitive.

               Who am I, you may wonder?

               I am someone you know very well.

               For I am every man you meet

               and I am every woman you meet.

                                                                     Charles C. Finn

                                                      September 1966