Puzzle pieces

What do you do when all the pieces to your puzzle have been scattered?

For new readers, over a year ago I became very sick and was on a psychiatric unit. One week after returning home, my husband and I both lost our jobs.

Since that time we have been struggling to put pieces back together. My husband immediately changed his part time job to full time so he could continue to provide for his son. He had not found another job to this day. He was a successful law enforcement officer and he is now an auto tech at a tire place.

I went from a Director making just under $50K to nothing. I finally found a new job in January working for a company I worked for over 10 years ago. They pay was only slightly higher than half of what I was being paid before. I thought to myself, I could make it work because I'd finally be going back to a place where I can make a difference in lives.

Last month my husband and I learned that we had to move by the end of November. We had his Dad packed and ready to move in with us to help with the rent and we had to tell him to wait.

We've got a month left. Still haven't found a place. We've taken out several loans over the past year and the money is gone. I can't pay our bills.

And that rewarding job where I could help others and make a difference? I work 12 hour days. I don't make any difference except in the bottom dollar which is apparently all they care about anymore, such a disappointment. 

I could go a lot more into my job and how miserable I am and how much I disagree with what they do. I could tell you how I'm so desperate for money I'm even looking at a potential promotion even though I disagree with everything about how they run their business.

Instead, I feel like all the pieces of my puzzle have been scattered. It was all put together then someone took their hand and swept all the pieces. I'm depressed, lost, angry, confused. Most days I feel like I can't function. I can't even do the most basic things. Most days I just want it all to be over. It's the depression talking, I know. But it's so much stronger and so grueling to fight.