"These 20 Questions Will Improve Your Self-Awareness"

I'm taking this from an article that a friend sent, which you can find at the following link:

http://dariusforoux.com/selfawareness/

I'm going to give it a stab and see if I can learn a bit more about myself! :)

1. What am I good at? I'm good at listening, I'm good at my job, I'm good at caring about others, I'm detail-oriented
2. What am I so-so at? Exercising, eating well, budgeting
3. What am I bad at? Relaxing!
4. What makes me tired? Stress makes me exhausted. Fighting.
5. What is the most important thing in my life? Happiness
6. Who are the most important people in my life? My family, friends, my dog!
7. How much sleep do I need? Lately, 8 hours.
8. What stresses me out? Easily stressed by too many obligations, tight deadlines, money, conflicts with others
9. What relaxes me? Yoga, reading, watching movies/TV
10. What’s my definition of success? Being happy! Being financially stable, in a job I enjoy. 
11. What type of worker am I? Very hard worker! 
12. How do I want others to see me? I want others to see me as a kind, understanding, happy, dedicated person.
13. What makes me sad? When I fight with those I love, when I feel like I'm losing control, when others are in pain
14. What makes me happy? Feeling like I have succeeded at something, being with my family, spending time with my husband, my dog
15. What makes me angry? Other people most of the time! If I feel someone is trying to be difficult or is making a situation difficult. Myself - I definitely get angry at myself!
16. What type of person do I want to be? I want to be the person that others can count on. I want to be stable and feel good about myself.
17. What type of friend do I want to be? Reliable, always there for you.
18. What do I think about myself? I think I'm still a work in progress. I have good things but there are still a lot of things I need to improve on.
19. What things do I value in life? I value family, relationships, giving back.
20. What makes me afraid? Change, I hate change. Money scares me. The feeling that I may not succeed at something.

I tried to not over think this as I answered the questions as that is something I have a tendency to do. I wanted to give my immediate thoughts and see what I came up with. I see a lot of consistency. I want to be everything to everyone but I don't necessarily think about myself. Interesting... The post says I shouldn't interpret my responses. I should just start working on the things that I said I'm bad at and try to improve my life. I think that's much easier said (written) than done! I do like the idea of immediately doing the things I identify that make me happy! :)

Sooooo... About those resolutions...

Ah, a new year. Time to look forward to the future and identify all the changes you're going to make in your life. I suck at this. Every year I mentally identify resolutions that I'd like to make. I've even written them out at times and I don't think I've succeeded any single year.
Is it me? Is it the resolutions? There's so much pressure!

This is how I feel about the new year (at least how I feel today). It's just another day. Why am I going to celebrate that more time is passing? In addition, my birthday is the 2nd, the day after New Year's. It's just an additional reminder that I am getting old(er). I don't like that reminder. I don't want to get older. I'm not saying I want to go back to high school or even my 20s. Heck, I don't know when I'd want to go back to. But I certainly don't want to get older! All those resolutions I've made for myself over the years that I never accomplished - I'm leaving less time to get them done! Ack!

So, resolutions...

Typical list from me:

1. I'll get a job I love
2. I'll get in shape
3. I'll eat better

I think there are sometimes more but it's funny, every website I look at lists those as the top 5 resolutions for all people. Well, that's not very unique. But I really do want to get in shape and I really do want to eat better. I really do want to love my job.

So what do I do? I have all these great ideas. I can tell you that I'm not going to sit down today and map it all out. I don't know if I'll ever get to it. I hope I will! I hope that I can find a way to make it a priority for myself!

1. Job that I love - learn to love my current job and that starts with me (yikes, that sounds like a lot of work)
2. Get in shape - I could learn to love my body as it is now but I know I could be in better shape. Of course, I should love myself as I am now. But who does? Everyone wants to change themselves. I've tried getting in shape so many times in my life and overall I've realized that I pretty much suck at it. I need a strong motivator to get myself in shape and I'm not sure what it is yet.
3. Eat better - that's a big one. I used to eat decent, now I eat horribly. Probably the worst I ever have in my entire life. I'm about to be the big 3-8 tomorrow and my eating habits are horrible. I pretty much don't eat during the day, then I eat a late dinner and it is always processed. Everything I eat is processed. And I drink a lot of coffee. I also don't drink enough water. Again, a plan I need to put together. If I have a plan, a list, I might actually do it. Of course, the first step might be learning how to cook!
4. Find happiness. I need to find true happiness within me. I have no idea how to do it. I find the worst in everything. I'm a huge negative-nelly. I put on a mask that I'm Miss Positivity but in reality I'm no more than a huge frowny face. My entire body is frowns. I need to fix that.
5. Friends, hobbies, outings... oh my! I need to get myself out of myself. I need to get out of my hole. Find some hobbies, go out and actually DO things! See my friends, make new friends!
6. $$$. I don't have anything more to say about this other than I need a hell of a lot more of it.

So, this post didn't go anywhere near where I wanted it to. I don't even know what I was thinking when I wrote it. That I was overwhelmed by resolutions? That I have no plan to improve for 2016? Damn... I don't feel any better. And by the way, I'm getting one year older tomorrow. :)

Next time, a better more positive post next time!

I'm 35

I'm 35. Most of the time I don't feel 35 but then there are times when I really, really feel 35. Two weeks ago Rob's mother died at the young age of 58. My coworker Cari's neighbor died at the young age of 46. And Joe's parents have been in Florida, his Dad sick with pneumonia in the ICU.

I have literally been overcome lately with a sense that death is at my backdoor and I must do something about it. I can no longer sit and wait for things to change, I must do something and I must do it quickly before I run out of time.

• I must go see my parents right away and I need to visit more often.
• I need to spend more time with my sister. 
• I need to change my future. Job. Money. Debt.
• I need to write advanced directives, and a will. 
• I need to eat better, much better. And damn it, exercise Shannon. Take fricking care of yourself.
• What is going on with my IRA? Figure it out.
• Stop spending a fortune on health insurance. You can research it more, you can find something better.
• Stop being miserable in a job. Find a job that makes you happy. Other people have done it, you can do it to. There is absolutely no reason you can't make money from a job that makes you happy.
• Go out and enjoy life. Stop cooping yourself up in the house when there are friends out there and life is out there.

I know this all sounds morbid. I have literally been losing sleep at night with anxiety. I feel like if I don't make a change soon I will run out of time. I know how I am. I HATE change, I DESPISE it. But if I don't do something now, while I'm willing to make the changes, then what will happen? I know I won't die tomorrow. But will I die eventually and look back and regret things? I know some of those things on my list are small, petty - advanced directives, will. I mean, probably not even necessary. What I should have on that list is BABY. I mean, that biological clock isn't going to run forever.

I know I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way. I look at many of my friends who are in their 30s with kids, a beautiful home, jobs that are at least paying the bills. I'm so happy for them. I know they have their issues too, by no means am I comparing sob stories. I just feel like 35 came so quickly and I have nothing to show for it. No house, no family, no awesome job, lots of debt though! :)

Maybe it's not the death that's hitting me hard, maybe it's just the age, maybe I'm going through a mid-thirties crisis. Does that exist? Whatever it is, it sucks.

9-5

Why, oh why, must I wait at least 30 more years to retire? And why did I not choose an occupation like teacher where I could at least have summers off? I am kicking myself now!

I must admit that I have a lot of flexibility with my current job. I work from home. In fact, I can work from pretty much anywhere. I am currently at my parents' house in South Carolina. I am looking out over the 18th hole at Shaftesbury Glen and while I can't say I have any desire to go golfing, I would love to be at the beach or at the outlets, or sitting outside reading a book. Unfortunately, my job does require that I sit at the ready with a phone and laptop nearby.

So, why didn't I choose a career in teaching that would let me have my summers off? Or at least part of my summer off? (I have many friends who are teachers and they do remind me that they frequently have to work on the summers.) I'm a scaredy-cat. The idea of having to stand in front of a class of more-than-likely ill-behaved children scared the crap out of me. And I LOVE kids. But I imagined myself in a school with an uncontrollable group of children and it overwhelmed me. I often wonder if I made a mistake.

This brings me to retirement. Why don't we get retirement when we're younger and then we can work when we're older? I know you have to save for retirement and earn your retirement but let's pretend those silly logistics weren't really an issue. i would much rather have my retirement now and enjoy it when I was younger and physically able. When I'm 60, then let me sit in an office chair all day at a computer. I realize that not everyone has the type of job that I do, many people have jobs that require physical labor, blah, blah, blah. I'm thinking about myself here. Me, me, me. I want it now! And you're lying if you say you don't think this way sometimes too.

I suppose I could just not work at all. Ha ha! I wish! But oh, how I dream of the lifestyle - to get up and go as I wish. To create my own daily schedule which can change at a whim depending on what strikes my fancy. To have time to do the things I want to do, in addition to the things I need to do. To go to the beach if it's a nice day out. To go sit outside and read a book.

Wouldn't it be just luscious?
Shannon